 Neither
D is for "Dork"
by Lady Ellowyn Ela'datha
Upon escaping the shrine of Talos, you and your party stumble upon a ceremony
in progress designed to gate in the hordes of Abishai from the depths of hell in
order to wreak havoc among the peace loving citizens of your homeland. Springing
immediately into action you nock an arrow and let fly into the black heart of
the Ritualist presiding over this blasphemous summoning. His flock screams in
dismay and terror as your critical hit slices the very seat of the head priest's
lifeblood in twain, Thereby botching the ritual and turning the devils of hell
on their would be summoners in an orgy of bloodletting seldom seen outside the
walls of a butcher's place of business. Once again, Evil has fallen to
righteousness and the world continues to exist, blissfully ignorant to the
danger averted by it's unsung heroes.
The glory, the quest, the dice, the zits, Dungeons and Dragons has been a
bastion of hope and escape for the dreamer in an otherwise mundane world since
it's creation in the late seventies. From such a humble beginning as a few
numbers on paper, D&D has inspired many a downtrodden idealist and unrepentant
self-abuser to great heights of creativity and imagination that might have
otherwise never seen the light of day, buried under the oppressive weight of
nosebleeds and wedgies.
Yet there are many that harbor an irrational fear and suspicion toward
this innocuous game of camaraderie and whimsy. D&D has been oft maligned by
those that do not understand it's inner workings. It has alternatively been
dubbed "Uncool" and "Pointless" or even "Satanic" amazingly enough over the
course of generations that did not recognize the gift they have been given in
this deceivingly brilliant little game.
I shall address alleged Satanism first since it is most easily refuted.
D&D does not and has never exalted the Judeo-Christian Satan, promoted unkind
action or thought toward animals or humans, nor has it elevated curious
youngsters to ridiculous levels of sexual depravity, such as lesbianism, or
championship dogshows. The few devils that exist within the scope of the game
are there as foils and obstacles to be defeated and overcome that goodness might
reign supreme. The core of Dungeons and Dragons is Chivalry and Righteousness,
in no way can the pursuit of goodness for the sake of goodness cause people to
fall into the depths of evil in the fashion that ridiculous religious
fundamentalists, whose escapism is even greater than that they accuse the RPG
gamer of, seem to like to believe. D&D does not inspire the murder of children,
the rape of housepets, the beating of the elderly, or the abortion of unborn
infants. The propensity for any such activity was already existent within the
player and brought to the game against the spirit of the activity, or enforced
upon it by the perverted spank-dreams of some ridiculous bible belt Baptist
while he derides such an innocent pastime whilst cataloguing his collection of
german-shepard porn. D&D is a game of wonder and discovery, not a mass puberty
cramp of aspiring Anton Levays.
The game has also been primarily the hallmark of the intellectual, and
thus dubbed "uncool" by a vast majority of societally exalted individuals whose
insecurities and immaturities prevent any attempt at understanding the core
philosophies of D&D. The world we live in is a dreary place that rewards
stupidity and insensitivity. Apathy and disregard for ones fellow man is
encouraged and propagated by masses of stagnant, complacent workaday losers and
rabid republicans. WE put money before ethicality and beauty before personality.
Is it any wonder that those with the mental capacity to imagine a better place
would seek to dwell elsewhere, for even as brief a span as an evening? These
damned hopefuls, these abused idealists all flock to their peers in an attempt
to surround themselves with those that understand, those willing to put aside
such frivolous delineations as possibility and dream together, for the
betterment of all involved.
It is no secret that it takes at least a minute spark of intelligence and
creativity to partake in the genius that is D&D, and that such a spark is
quickly stomped out under the oppressive weight of locker room beatings, noogies,
hair clumped with chewing gum and an endless parade of dateless evenings, but
for those that yet hold onto this quintessence, truly prodigious feats are
possible in the realm of the infinite. To you I say, what is the nature of cool?
materialistic grasping at the threads of societal trappings in an effort to gain
self-worth vicariously through the approval of others of that ilk? Or the
systematic destruction of freewill in the rush to join the bandwagon rolling not
to hell, but to a sterile nothingness devoid of wonder or thought in exchange
for mindless vice indulgence and breeding of stupidity? Hold fast dreamers, take
what respite you can in those that can share your vision, for that is to be your
salvation. Droning Rap music and vacuous MTV VJays be damned.
For each and every argument against Dungeons and Dragons I will put forth
as evidence a well adjusted asset to the human race, a clear eyed confidant
visionary whose ability to think and dream outside the rapidly diminishing box
of human consciousness marks him as special in the wastelands of fast-food
franchising and GPS toting toddlers. These individuals are what redeems
humanity, not the high school heartthrob quarterback that now pumps gas nine to
five, not the certified public accountant that exists only to compute hard data,
not even the beauty pageant queen that gets knocked up and fat and spends the
rest of her life bulimic and suicidal. None of these give credit to the true
potential of humanity, The ability to transcend our self imposed shackles and
find true paradise within the wonders of our dreams and yearnings. I cannot make
those who do not understand accept my words, because they are incapable of
sharing in the vision, but I can say this to them, leave D&D alone, for when you
tamper with the outlets for creativity and wonder, all you invest in is misery.
To deny a child his dreams is to remove any spark of sentience within his
fragile heart.
Read Well and Heed My Warning
Lady Ellowyn Ela'datha
otherwise known as
Yang il Kim
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